I have often felt in misunderstandings, even fights and severances of a relationship, that I could articulate the other person's point of view reasonably well, but they had quite misunderstood mine.
To solve this, of course, the other person has to agree to the exercise - though the recommendation to listen to an extended interview does also prove enlightening.
I don't disagree with anything written here, but I’d like to point out the fundamental reason for these exaggerated reactions to disagreement: inappropriate self-esteem. Too low, and the person feels threatened or even crushed by disagreement; too high, and the person actively tries to crush the other. In my experience, the former is by far more prevalent. Appropriate self-esteem allows agreeing to disagree.
I occasionally get accused of a criticism that I did not make. I say 'No, I didn't mean it that way' yet the person clings to the delusion the comment was demeaning in some way. Admittedly, the person involved is extremely defensive to begin with, my solution is to stop talking. Boys need their fathers. A father deficit plus the normalization of pornography for teenage boys will become obstacles in their future marriages. I have no problem with opposing views, as long as the other view doesn't mean that I must comply at any level to the will of another (within the bounds of the law of course).
I have often felt in misunderstandings, even fights and severances of a relationship, that I could articulate the other person's point of view reasonably well, but they had quite misunderstood mine.
To solve this, of course, the other person has to agree to the exercise - though the recommendation to listen to an extended interview does also prove enlightening.
I wish I had founded Aporia. It is like a dream for someone with my interests.
I don't disagree with anything written here, but I’d like to point out the fundamental reason for these exaggerated reactions to disagreement: inappropriate self-esteem. Too low, and the person feels threatened or even crushed by disagreement; too high, and the person actively tries to crush the other. In my experience, the former is by far more prevalent. Appropriate self-esteem allows agreeing to disagree.
I occasionally get accused of a criticism that I did not make. I say 'No, I didn't mean it that way' yet the person clings to the delusion the comment was demeaning in some way. Admittedly, the person involved is extremely defensive to begin with, my solution is to stop talking. Boys need their fathers. A father deficit plus the normalization of pornography for teenage boys will become obstacles in their future marriages. I have no problem with opposing views, as long as the other view doesn't mean that I must comply at any level to the will of another (within the bounds of the law of course).